We..are...finally...here....

I can't help but feel like I am grieving Lil Bill's hearing.  This past, everything we did, I couldn't help but think, 'oh this is one of the last time's Lil Bill will hear this.'  Don't get me wrong, I know the implants will allow him to hear.  I guess I have this undeniable fear that he hears better than we think and the implants are not going to compare, or the implants are not going to work.

It is interesting to me my reaction when we heard the news that Lil Bill had auditory neuropathy.  We were told that hearing aids typically do not help with auditory neuropathy and cochlear implants do.  Seconds after hearing that I thought 'ok lets get the implants tomorrow!'  I had no fear, I just wanted my baby to hear.  Of course nothing is that simple.  We had to go through months of trial with the hearing aids, we then had to wait and see if Lil Bill would start developing any language to see how severe his auditory neuropathy is.  We had to go through several scans and tests.  This fear that I have was not present during any of that.  Funny how that happens.

I cannot believe the day is tomorrow.  I have so many emotions.  I am scared of course, I would rather my baby didn't have to go through surgery.  I am excited because of what the cochlear implants could do for him.  Nervous because well its surgery, and we will be adopting a whole new way of life into our lives.  I am very emotional and could cry.  All the time and effort that Lil Bill, Billy, and myself, and even grandparents on both sides put into getting to this point and its finally hear.  All the appointments we all went to and babysitting and transportation the grandparents helped out with, we all made it happen.  And other family and friends who have offered there support has been irreplaceable.

 While I do feel like I am grieving the life that has happened BC (before cochlear implants haha) I feel equally as excited for the life that has yet to happen.

I just really don't know what else to say.  The day we have been waiting for is finally hear.  I just can't find the right words to describe my feelings.  Please send sweet prayers and positive vibes our way tomorrow.  We have to have Lil Bill at the hospital at 6:30 am.  Surgery will take several hours and then we are suppose to only be in the hospital one night for observations.  Hopefully everything will go smoothly and we will bring Lil Bill home Saturday to finish the rest of his recovery in comfortable surroundings!